10 days in silence

Welcome 2009. Slipping in so quietly, closing the curtain and saying goodbye to 2008. My thoughts were with all friends and family in all different time zones - which essentially means I celebrated the birth of a new year 5 different times, being awake and aware for all of them, but without a raise of a glass, a midnight hug or hooray, or even a passing glance. I was enjoying the new year 7 days into my ten day meditation. On the outside I was serene looking, sitting cross legged, my eyes closed and my demeanor most likely appeared calm and present. On the inside though, my thoughts were probably bouncing off the sides of my brain looking for some sort of outlet to be free to run rampant. My physical body feeling like it got sentenced to life inside a stone Buddha statue, crying for release and a good stretch. My meditation mat #59 became my best friend, molding to my ass cheeks as I logged over 100 hours in ten days fighting off the feeling of numbness. I know that probably sounds torturous, but in the middle of the third day a thought floated through my mind that indicated I may make it, enjoy it, and take a bit of insight and/or enlightenment from all this self-inflicted "torture".

Here is a brief description of vipassana meditation:
"To see things as they truly are, impermanent, and aware in each present moment. It is a simple and direct way to explore body, mind and heart. A balanced awareness grounded in the present moment leads to a growing sensitivity and understanding of the nature of life allowing for wisdom and compassion to emerge. Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion."

Each day that passed felt so long that three days in the "outside" world could fit into one day of my new reality. We rose at 4 AM, had a two hour morning sit, had breakfast and a break, another 3 hour sit, lunch and a rest, a 4 hour sit to a brief "tea time and light fruit" to another 3 hours of lecture and meditation. Some hours were more structured than others giving more guidance, and as the days went on the deeper and deeper the instructions would go. I was so tired the first few days I slept every break possible, wolfing down our simple meals to try to get in as much rest as possible. After the third day a bit of a change took place and I felt more energized, my body still stiff and aching, but I realized I did not need all the sleep I thought I did. I started walking on breaks, becoming more and more aware of the subtle breeze blowing through my pant legs, or the bricks gritty against my bare feet.
At times my thoughts raced about going on wild adventures and so far away from the present moment, something I was really trying to to grasp. Being present in this reality. I objectively studied my conscious patters and realized that I do spend sooo much time living in the future. Planning and daydreaming of all I want to experience, but in such a romanticized way. This is not always a bad trait, but we have one precious short life and I would like to enjoy the present for all it has to offer.
I was eventually able to calm my mind, focus on present sensations within the body, good and bad, objectively experience them without attachments, cravings or aversions and watch them pass. Dhamma, the universal law of impermanence. Everything changes and if we can learn to accept this law, not get swept up in the highs and lows, but remain equanimous to situations this will in turn lead to a life without drastic miseries, but harmony which will resonate and be beneficial to all beings.
Returning to the real world was quite the trip, a sensory overload spending 3 days in Chiang Mai, quite the bustling little city. I felt and still a bit feel, like a walking ball of vibrating molecules. Bursting into giggles at "ordinary" occurrences, and having great energized chats with friends from the farm I have run into. My sleep schedule is still erratical, I have been waking up between 330AM and 5, tossing and turning, then yes, returning to my morning meditation schedule. I doubt that schedule will last two long, but will relish in it while it does. I have by no means reached the depth of the subconscious that truly frees you from impurities and miseries, but have a new and inspiring technique and truth to apply in my daily life which has already changed how I view so many situations.
Tomorrow I deal with visa extensions which are getting more and more restrictive and EXPENSIVE, then head back to the serenity of Panya and nature!!! 3 days of peace and preparations and 25 + people arrive for the permaculture design course. A very intense 2 weeks in the classroom.
May happiness be upon all of you